It started innocently enough. My dad had a minor stroke, a sneak-attack kind. He was fine one day and not so fine the next. Suddenly, everything shifted. Schedules, priorities, relationships. I became the unofficial manager of his life. And the thing is, I wanted to help. I still do.
But I was not prepared for the slow erosion of self that caregiving can become, so I turned to respite care. If you’ve never heard of respite care or you don’t think it’s “for you,” please stick around because I’ve been there. And I want to tell you what I wish someone had told me way earlier.
So, What Is It?
Respite care is basically a pause button. It’s a short-term break for caregivers that can range from a few hours to several days or even weeks. The person you’re caring for gets professional support, either in-home or at a care facility, and you get to step away without everything falling apart.
Think of it as a substitute teacher for your caregiving duties; only this one doesn’t show up with a hangover and a VHS tape. The key is that you don’t have to do it all alone. And no, letting someone else step in isn’t a weakness. It’s strategy.
Why It Matters More Than You Think
At first, I didn’t want help. My inner monologue told me that no one could possibly help my dad as well as I could. These may not be rational thoughts, but they are very real ones. And the result was predictable: I burned out.
Slowly, like a tire losing air, I became less patient, less present, less capable. There’s even a term for it: caregiver fatigue. Respite care, as I learned (belatedly), is really about preserving your ability to keep caring long-term.
How Respite Care Helped Me Become Human Again
When I finally caved and tried respite care, I didn’t do it because I was enlightened or wise. I did it because I was on the verge of crying in a Walgreens aisle while holding a tube of antifungal cream. It was not a moment of glory.
The care coordinator at the agency I contacted didn’t judge me. She listened. She asked questions. Then, she helped set up a plan where my dad would get in-home care two afternoons a week. That was it. Two afternoons.
But those two afternoons felt like someone handed me my life back, in two-hour increments. I could take a nap, go to therapy, or eat food while it was still warm. Eventually, I even had the audacity to go for a walk without my phone in hand.
About three weeks into this new routine, I noticed something weird: my dad seemed happier, too. He liked the caregiver and the variety. Everyone won, and nobody had to reach a breaking point to justify the shift.
Why Families Avoid It, And Why That’s a Problem
There’s a weird guilt reflex that kicks in when you suggest letting someone else take over care duties. It’s like your brain goes, “Oh, you’re a monster now?” But that guilt is mostly a trick of the ego. And an unhelpful one. Here are a few of the usual myths I hear:
“No one can care for them like I can.”
- Maybe not exactly like you, but professionally trained caregivers can often bring new energy, knowledge, and distance that’s healthy.
“It’s too expensive.”
- Some respite services are covered by insurance, Medicaid, or veteran programs. There are also sliding scale options, grants, and nonprofit organizations that help fund it.
“They won’t want a stranger around.”
- Sure, maybe at first. But people adapt faster than we give them credit for. Especially when that “stranger” helps them feel safe and respected.
“It’s selfish.”
- No. What’s selfish is pretending you’re fine until your body gives out or you start snapping at the people you love.
Let’s call it what it is: avoidance. And avoidance has consequences.
Finding the Right Fit
When I searched for respite care near me, I had no idea how many options there were. Local home care agencies, community centers, churches, and even government programs. It’s not one-size-fits-all, which is good because neither are families.
I eventually went with an agency that focused on both senior and dementia care since that was becoming more relevant in our situation.
They sent someone for an in-home consultation, matched my dad with a caregiver based on personality and background (they even both liked classic jazz, go figure), and helped design a schedule that worked for us. It was like finally finding a bench after walking for hours.
The Bigger Picture
Caregiving is hard, especially when it’s done with love. You are constantly absorbing stress, both yours and theirs. You are making decisions, giving up sleep, deferring your own needs, and telling yourself it’s noble. And it is. But even noble people crumble without breaks.
Respite care gives you a moment to not be needed. To see yourself not just as a caregiver but as a person. And it often makes you better at caregiving when you return because you’re not running on fumes, and you’re not resentful.
I used to think of respite care as a backup plan. Now, I think of it as part of the plan. It’s something I build in intentionally, not because I don’t care but because I do.
So, if you’re juggling meds, schedules, and emotional landmines while ignoring your own exhaustion, consider this your sign. Look into what’s available. Talk to people and use the resources to take that break. You’re not quitting. You’re sustaining.
